Leaving and Home

I am home. You know, it's a strange thing, to come back to a place that you know so well after being gone for a while. Some things remain the same, but others don't. Little things are moved, replaced, or forgotten. My room is crowded with too much junk. I'm trying to fit an entire apartment into my one little room. It's at times like these that I wish I was able to be one of those people who seems to have only a very few belongings. I am sick of all this stuff. I don't really need it. Except for the art supplies. I do need those!

Being an artist also means that you are a collector. You collect other people's art, and you save everything you've ever made, because you never know who might want to buy it from you. You also collect scraps of things that are inspirations. Leaves, moss, postcards, textured paper, little bottles, ribbons, plastic army men...

I suppose I should give an overview of the past few days, just to write it down and get it out of my head. This past week is very blurry. I'm trying to remember everything, but I have this funny habit of blocking out stressful or traumatic events. I don't remember much of middle school at all! Thank God! I said goodbye to many dear friends, and I don't know what will happen to them while I'm gone. I miss them, and I want to be the best friend I can be, but the distance makes everything harder. I'm going to miss Amanda and Megan most of all, Compline, walks to the river, Molly's, Gallery Espresso, and that hoity toity antique store on Bull Street.

(a side note on the antique store: it had a row of windows that covered most of the Bull St. side of the building. I would always check myself out in those windows, to see how I walked. Watching yourself walk is a strange thing. Did I walk with flare and elegance, or did I shuffle along like a burned out college student? I could get pretty melodramatic watching myself, pretending I was some tragic heroine destined for greatness. I only looked like a shabby art student. I also always hoped that the employees inside the store got the impression that I was looking at the antiques in the windows and not at my vain self).

Oh, yeah, back to the main point: Every time I live somewhere new, I seem to forget that I will eventually be leaving. It hurts. You have to gouge out a small part of yourself and leave it behind you when you are done with a place. Call it what you will, the ghost, the effect, the memory of you and your time in a place fades but never vanishes. How can something fill you up and leave you empty at the same time? That is what it's like to leave.

Control

I read something interesting today:

"Keep me from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin." (Psalm 19:13)

Hmmm...

I've been thinking about control lately as it pertains to my faith in God. I had a conversation with a friend recently that really started me thinking about just how much I'm willing to let God control my life. Everyone deals with this issue, and the problem is as old as humanity itself. I struggle with letting God take over the things in my life that I so desperately want to control, especially the things I had no control over as a child. Money would probably be on the top of the list. But as I read this psalm I suddenly had a moment of clarity. I mean, the thought was so simple. It was this: The more I fight for control, the more I am actually enslaved. Rebellion against God is at the root of sin, and giving something to Him that I would rather keep for myself is a selfless act. I become more like Him when I surrender, throw up the white flag and beg for mercy. Every time I make a conscious decision to disobey God, I am placing myself behind enemy lines.

Baby Steps.

Eastern European Salsa

My friend Amanda gave me this awesome mix CD. There are several songs included that can only be described as a mixture of Eastern European folk music and Salsa. Surprisingly, the mix is a perfect combination. I love it! I've been listening to this CD over and over again as I pack up all my belongings. It's great packing music.

Also, I watched a couple of episodes of Seaquest DSV on YouTube. I now have a bit of free time to do trivial things like that. Does anyone remember Seaquest? It was one of my favorite shows when I was a teenager. I was in love with Jonathan Brandis. Gosh, it seems so silly now as I look back on what a huge crush I had on him. Now my crushes have evolved to include more mature unattainable men, such as, Ben Browder on Stargate SG-1. Yes, yes, I watch Stargate. I am a complete geek. Well, a closet geek, really. I don't usually mention my Sci-Fi geekiness in polite company. I feel as if I should have outgrown it when I hit 20. I don't really fit into that category of most young, male Sci-Fi fanatics who for the most part are obsessed with ships, technology, alien life forms, and half naked blue-skinned women. I'm drawn to the storytelling possibilities of Sci-Fi and the development of believable character interaction. The sky's the limit when it comes to Sci-Fi (okay, the sky isn't really the limit). I mean, the entire universe is your playground if you're creating Sci-Fi. You're only constrained by the limits of your imagination.

Well, that was off topic. I don't want to be one of those obsessed Trekkies who knows every name and rank of every dead red-shirted ensign that was ever killed by a mutant blob thing (Trekkies, you know what I mean). To quote the bard, "The play is the thing". The story, the hope for a brighter tomorrow, the chance to escape to worlds undiscovered; that is the germ of my love affair with Sci-Fi. Just give me a good story and I'll be happy.

I also don't want to have people automatically label me as a geek. I've always cared way too much about what other people think. I've worked hard to build this somewhat eclectic artsy-fartsy, rustic-chic, flea market, free and easy type personality. But no matter how hard I try, I can't divorce the Sci-Fi part of me lurking just under the surface of the sophisticated lady I think I am.

That part of me is just waiting to kick your butt at Trivial Pursuit: Star Wars Edition.

St. Patty's Day Scramble

This weekend was crazy! I don't think I've ever had such a crazy weekend. Let's just start by saying that St. Patty's Day in Savannah is like nothing I've ever experienced before. I've never seen so many people having so much fun.

Some crazy things that happened this weekend:

Thursday:
My friends Larissa and Dan came to visit and they got lost attempting to get to Crystal Beer Parlor.
We happened to run into a crime scene that included at least 12 cop cars and a police helicopter. I later found out that the person they arrested was a 17 year old drunken kid who tried to run away from the police and hid underneath a boat and then resisted arrest. He broke a cop's ankle in the fight. Geez! Of course all the girls in our group ran away from all the cop cars, Daniel and Winston decided to go closer to see what was up. Crazy boys!

Went to River St. and bought some ice cream! (Daniel told us all the history of kilts and bagpiped, very interesting.
I was attacked by a rabid squirrel (okay, so that didn't happen).
We went to David's pre-St' Pat's party and the ceiling almost collapsed. David's roommate tried to get everyone downstairs by yelling something like, "everyone who doesn't want to die, get downstairs."

Friday:
Larissa, Dan and I took the Mercer House Tour.
We had a great lunch at the Gryphon Tea Room and then we walked around for a bit.
We went to Mercury Lounge and did the wallflower thing. The blues band was excellent, though. Captain Morgan gave me some beads! Woot.

Saturday:
Went to the St. Patty's Day Parade. My favorite by far were the bagpipe bands. I love bagpipes. Get's the Anglo-Saxon part of me all excited.
Ate lunch at Firefly Cafe (also excellent).
Went to the beach (was accosted by seagulls).
Went to the Goodwill store (bought a teacup).
Went to the St. Patty's Day Celebration at River Street. Let's just say that it is hard to describe this event. It is the largest St. Patty's Day bash in the U.S. (an estimated 50,000 people attended), and most everyone gets much less than sober in a hurry.
Went to David's post-St. Patty's Day party (seeing as it was 2 AM on Sunday) and decided to stay downstairs this time.
Went home and ate guacamole, pizza, and chips.

Sunday:
Went to Vineyard and learned all about St. Patrick. (and no, he did not banish snakes from Ireland). As my pastor Kent said, "It's not all about green grits".
Went to Panera (yummy).
Saw Larissa and Dan off (was very sad to see them go).
Chilled!

The End

SHE'S ALIVE!!!

I feel like a baby duck that just learned how to fly! That's how free I feel. Excepting the fact that I still need to turn my thesis stuff in, I am done with classes, done with books, no more teacher's dirty looks. He, he, not that any of my teachers give me dirty looks! They are a very amiable set. Oh, I am sooooooo glad that spring break is here. Looking back on this quarter I realize that I was being attacked from every angle. I was sick. My car broke down. My classes were at best trying, and at worst a complete nightmare. I think I still need to think a bit more before I write a whole blog on the subject of last quarter. Right now, though, I will just end by saying that I am FREE INDEED!!!

Swing!

Hooray for Spring, it's time to SWING!!! This is my first complete image for the children's book I've been working on. Wow, this has been such a crazy journey. Last night, when I finished this image, I was completely disgusted with it. This morning however, I'm content. Nothing like a night's sleep to make you feel better about your art and life in general. Last night, I was having a bit of an artistic crisis. I thought, I stink, I can't paint anything the way I envision it in my head. I hate the way I work, it feels so dead and boring! This morning I realized, "Wait, I'm only 24 years old. I still have so much to learn!" All I can do is continue to use the gifts God has given me. I want to be better, to learn more and to improve. Life is all about learning new things, as Kelsie is discovering. (This is her first time swinging. She's not so sure about it, but she's giving it a go. All I have to do is stay on that swing and swing a little higher each time, until finally, I jump off the swing and land at heaven's door.) Okay a bit cheesy, but really, I never thought of swinging as a metaphor for life, but it is. Sometimes you're up, sometimes down, sometimes going forward, and sometimes going backward. Swinging was one of my favorite things to do as a kid, and even now, there is nothing quite like it. Very freeing.

Watercolor String Painting

This one kind of looks like a woman, perhaps the Virgin Mary. I should sell it on ebay for big bucks!

Some New Stuff

I'm posting a few new studies for Fiber and Fabric Exploration. I'm not sure how successful they are. The light paint I'm using is a bit finicky, but still, and interesting technique.

Elizabeth Bennet

I've been reading Northanger Abbey again. Whenever I'm feeling glum, I read Northanger Abbey.

It's Just Wednesday

For the lucky few who actually have a sweetheart, its' Valentine's Day. For everyone else, it's just Wednesday. Having said that, I do want to spread some V-Day love! With my secret ninja moves from the government, I have created this Photoshop Masterpiece. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

It's my Dad's birthday today! In honor of this event, I am posting a brand spankin' new watercolor featuring Grim the Cat. Grim is my Dad's favorite cat (o.k., he's my Dad's only cat). Grim is the wild child of the family. He does pretty much whatever he wants. Even the dog is leery of him. Grim loves to curl up in my Dad's black office chair and snooze for hours on end! After a nice long nap he saunters into the bathroom, hops up to the rim of the bathtub, and meows until someone turns the faucet on so he can get a drink. What a strange cat!

Gilbert out of the woods!

Gilbert is doing much better. His fin is unraveling. However, a little bit of the fin looks like it might fall off. This fish cracks me up. Every since I learned to keep his water warmer he has somehow gained a new, improved personality. Of course this might have something to do with the fact that fish are cold blooded, I think. He greets me whenever I walk near his tank and does what I can only describe as his fish dance. Yes, he wiggles his fins and swims around in circles. In fish language he is saying, "feed me, feed me, feed me". Then he sticks his gills out in a gesture that could be roughly translated as “I challenge you, pathetic human, to a duel”. Why is it that every single animal that my family has ever taken in ends up being incredibly strange, demented even? Maybe my family is demented and it's rubbing off on the animals. The border collie is the most demented of all, but let us not forget the ferocious puma masquerading as our barn cat, and the horse, who thinks she would rather be in the house than out in the barn.

Oh well, at least life is never boring.

Generic Cheerios

I love Honey Nut Cheerios. However, they are very expensive. I buy the Kroger brand instead, in a huge bag. I save so much money, and I can eat as many generic Cheerios as I want without feeling guilty.

I must say though, the real Cheerios do taste better.

Speaking of food, I only have one Grandma Cookie left! They were so delicious. Now I am saddened by that lonely cookie, sitting in saran wrap, waiting patiently to be eaten.

G.R.I.T.S.

Barbaro

Barbaro the racehorse died today. Why is it that this very public death of a racehorse has not lead to questions concerning the conduct of those racing these animals (chiefly the owners and trainers of thoroughbreds)? I am not a horse person, but my sister and mother are. They treat their horses with the utmost care. When my sister bought her horse, Clover as a filly, she waited several years before she even began to ride the horse. A young horse's bones and muscles simply aren't ready for the kind of strain placed upon them during these high-stakes races (Derby, Preakness, Belmont).

Racing young horses like Barbaro is cruel and unwise and I am sickened by the treatment of many of these wonderfully intelligent and amazing creatures.

Find out more at http://www.fund4horses.org/info.php?id=765

Gilbert!!!

My Beta fish is sick. He has some sort of bacterial infection that causes his fins to stick together. I called Petsmart. Guess what, they are not Pet Smart! If I hadn't called a local tropical fish store, and just taken Petsmart's word on what to do for poor Gilbert, he would probably die within a few days. The lady at the fish store told me to wrap a towel around his tank at night and to put aquarium salt in his water as well. That's all he needs! Petsmart told me to buy something called Betafix which turns out to be completely worthless!

I'm glad I found this out sooner than later. My sad little fish has been rather listless and skittish lately. I would be too if I had some sort of evil bacteria eating my fins. Poor Gilbert!

New Superhero

Okay, I wasn't really happy with my previous superhero post for IF, so I tweaked it. I recently read a speech by Alexandr Solzhenitsyn in which he quoted the great Dostoevsky. "Beauty will save the world." True beauty is unstoppable. Solzhenitsyn goes on to say something marvelous. "...a work of art bears within itself its own verification...those works of art which have scooped up the truth and presented it to us as a living force, they take hold of us, compel us, and nobody ever, not even in ages to come, will appear to refute them." This is the soul of art. The nitty-gritty. I am always trying to live up to this standard (I usually fail, but a girl can dream). If we dreamers keep on trying and falling flat on our faces, eventually a few of us will achieve in our work the "living force" Solzhenitsyn speaks of. A beautiful thought, wrapped in truth!

Illustration Friday "Superhero"

New Music Tuesdays

Does anyone know why iTunes sends out its "New Music Tuesday" email on Wednesday? Hmmm, I suppose this is part of a greater conspiracy to drive me crazy. I always feel bad on Wednesday, when I see what I've missed, but I can never remember to actually go to the iTunes website to take advantage of the new music offered on Tuesday. A vicious cycle!

Oh well, I guess I don't need all that free stuff anyways because there's always youtube.

An Illustration

Can anyone guess what this illustration is about? I'll give you a hint, this young lady is excessively diverting.