Breathless

"I want to become immortal and then die"

--A quote from the movie "Breathless"

Mammoth Cave Adventure

I've neglected to mention the strangest thing I've done of late. During the last weekend of Christmas break, I took a wild cave tour. Now, we're not talking about a stay on the lighted trail kind of cave tour. We're talking down and dirty, six hour long, no part of your body may be more than 40 inches in diameter kind of tour. We clambered through such limestone formations as "The Cheese Grater" and "The Hell Hole". We climbed down a cliff with a 30 foot vertical drop below. We wriggled through a tunnel called "The Birth Canal", and to top it all off, we shimmied through a cleft in the rock that forced you to keep your head tilted to the side (you don't fit otherwise).

The Mammoth Cave system is the longest in the world, and also contains the most gorgeous collection of tunnels, rooms and caverns. I saw beautiful gypsum crystal flowers growing right out of the rock. Sometimes the crystal coated cave ceilings would sparkle like the night sky. Oh yes, and then there were the cave crickets. Ghastly looking creatures which are really quite harmless.

The sheer physicality of the tour was incredible. There was no backing out. We crawled down slippery walls and waded through knee-deep, ice-cold water. I think it very smart of the guides to not explain beforehand in detail what we would be doing during the tour. Most of us would have said "no thanks!" at that point. However, I am so glad I went. I had an amazing, once in a lifetime experience. Being in a cave is a strange thing. You begin to feel disconnected with the world above you. It's relaxing, really. You have nothing to worry about except the task ahead of you. The serenity of the cave calms you. The silence of being a part of the living earth awakens an instinctual part of the human psyche. Yes, there is fear in the cave, but there is also discovery. The chance to witness things most people never see. Your curiosity overcomes fear, and you stand dwarfed by the immensity of creation.

The men and women who first explored the labyrinth of Mammoth Cave possessed extraordinary curiosity. To go into a dark hole with nothing more than a candle and your wits is something akin to driving a car blindfolded. Whatever drove them still drives modern cavers to continue exploration. They are still mapping new passageways in the Mammoth Cave system.

Some highlights of the day:

-Almost running into a hibernating bat (sorry little guy).

-Eating a meager lunch in the Snowball Room (a room with gypsum formations that actually look like snowballs stuck to the ceiling and walls).

-Going head-first into the “Hell Hole” (sounds better than it really was).

-Bonking my head on numerous sharp rocks.

-Observing the horrified looks on peoples faces when we passed the two hour (for sissies) cave tour (we felt and looked like tough stuff, especially considering that we were covered from head to toe in mud).

-The Cave Rat (she was so darn cute).

Illustration Friday "Buzz"

Mockingbird

A nice little sketch for another Deep article. I don't think this one's going to make it to final. However, the idea incorporates elements from my children's book cover. I'm liking the bubble, very useful!

New Look!!!

Oooooh, fancy new blog.

I finally updated my blog. The new blogger format is wonderful. More updates to come!

I love it when...

Okay, so here's one that made the cut. This illustration took a lot of time and effort, but I think the results are great. Anotherwords, I'm very content with this illustration. If I can say that about something I've done, I feel a sense of accomplishment.

The story that goes along with this cover illustration is entitled "I Love it When". The story is all about a Mom who loves to watch her two daughters play, grow, and learn.

2nd Place

Not all of my ideas are brilliant. In fact, I rarely have a truly, inspired idea. It is thus with most artists. So, I'm beginning a new series. A record of all those off target ideas for illustrations. Sometimes, it can be interesting to see what could have been but never was.

Up first, a sketch for Deep Magazine that dealt with modern etiquette. The sketch was cute, but had absolutely nothing to do with the workplace. REJECTED, as it should have been. Still, it was a nice sketch. Some people might also be interested to see what one of my sketchs looks like. This has been scanned into Photoshop. Then I added some value to give it depth.

Basically, the idea was contrast. The lady on the left has very poor etiquette, while the lady on the right is appalled by her companion's lack of decorum.

Back Home in Indiana

I love Indiana. It's raining and miserable, but boy do I love it. Two years ago I was singing a different tune. I couldn't wait to get out of Indiana and head for the warm, sunny South. Savannah is lovely, but it is not home. I'm really enjoying myself.

So I'd just like to say to anyone who is reading this, Merry Christmas!

One Day to Wheels Up

One Day.

One day to pack, run to the bank, buy candy (yes, at least 20 lb of saltwater taffy), eat all leftover food in the fridge, drop Gilbert of with friends, clean the bathroom, do laundry, shove as many sweaters into my rather small suitcase, put all liquids or pastes in a 1 quart plastic baggy for the airport security checkpoints, and email like crazy, crazy, crazy.

I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it will feel to finally sit down on the plane and know I am going home! Sweet home Indiana, where the skys are so blue. Sweet home Indiana, I'll be comin' home to you!

Sunday Morning

So here I am, with my OJ and my muffins. I found a delicious recipie for muffins on the internet. So I am about to scarf down two lovely "Hearty Country Muffins" with cranberries, walnuts, carrot, apples, and whole wheat.

Mmmmmmmm. I was wondering though, if you just eat muffins for breakfast lunch and dinner, what happens to you?

One More Red Kite Pic

Top Row: Me, Becky, Hillary, Luke, David, Jen, Vince
Bottom Row: Nealy, Nick, Kate, Amanda, Clif, Laura

Red Kite Stuff

I thought I'd load some pics of previous Red Kite shows. If anyone is checking this, they might be interested to know that until recently I was part of Red Kite Studio. Alas, a lack of time and money prevented me from continuing, but I am still an honorary Red Kiter.

Wyeth Faith?

Faith: What is it?

You know,

I've been thinking a great deal about faith lately. Several other people have mentioned it over the past two weeks. One friend asked, "what if I get to the end of my life and realize I am unfulfilled?" Good question. I've been struggling lately, with how to attack the issue of faith. Perhaps by instinct, I started reading Romans again. I always go back to Romans, because I never truly understand it all. I'm sure after I read it 40 times, I'll still be far away from unraveling all the mysteries.

So, our good friend Paul says, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And (emphasis mine) we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God." What? What does this mean?

For those of us Christians who have spent our entire lives in the Church, this is a beguiling statement. In some ways, our faith is an elemental thing. Something that we know is there but don't really understand. New Christians don't have this luxury, I think. They can clearly remember a time when they were without faith, and they second guess themselves more often. However, their faith is fiercer, stronger, even, than the faith of older Christians (such as myself). They are on the Christian Yo-Yo diet. The seasoned veterans fall into the trap of blind faith, which can quickly lead to spiritual death. Going through the motions, and not really knowing why you bother.

This brings us to a serious problem. Ex-Christians. They have lost faith. They say to themselves, "I don't really believe this anymore. Why should I continue to live as if I do?" How is it that I have not lost faith? I've been asking this question so much lately. How am I any different from so many other people who grew up in the Church and left after being disgusted with the way most Christians behave? Have I been brainwashed? Do I fear the unknown? Am I comfortable in my established routine?

I have no idea. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is where faith comes in. I can't describe it. All I know is that it is there, always at the back of my mind. It's there when somehow, ends meet. It's there when I see doors open (and when I see them close). It's in my family and friends. It's there when I stand on the beach and brave an approaching squall atop a jetty. This may all sound very sentimental, but these raw, unadulterated moments of faith remind me of who I am.

Many people do not stop to think about faith moments. They don't see them for what they really are. They are shrouded, and they lose most of their surreal beauty. Lately, though, I have seen non-believers recognize God and his hand upon their lives. It is a strange, elating thing to sense the rebirth of faith. And as Paul says, there is only one thing to do in such a circumstance, "rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

Strange Day

Yesterday, a Scottish guy gave me two dollars and I found a perfectly good bookshelf in the dumpster behind the Chatham Projects.

Awesome day.

A New Leaf

I think I should blog more.

Some New Stuff

Ah, the infamous "Pride and Prejudice" project. Start with over 50 chapters of one of the best loved novels ever written. Make some illustrations for them. Hopefully get hired to do similar work as a real adult. I have been fantasizing about illustrating "Pride and Prejudice" for some time now. I only hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew.

Alan, my professor (a British bloke), seems to think I am going places. For example, today, I am going to class, and then perhaps to the WC, and after that to the grocery store to buy some stomach medication. Yes, going places.

Jack the Grammarian

“You ended that sentence with a preposition, you bastard.” --Col. Jack O’Neill (SG1)

The End is Nigh

The end of the quarter is coming up. Only two more days till freedom. What will I do with all that time? I have no idea. Hopefully, I will keep busy and spend small amounts of money.

Did you know that art is a wonderful way to slowly drive yourself crazy. Yes, if you are looking for an excuse to go insane, you can't beat art. I don't have time to list all the crazies who were also artists. Rest assured, they were all gifted and very disturbed.

I have chosen to be an illustrator, which will hopefully lessen my chances of chopping off my own ear and sending it in a nice little box to my lover. Illustrators don't have time for such nonsense. We have deadlines to meet.

To the side: Hello Ginta!
Photoshop Collage
2006

Art and Fear

There is a book I've heard about, "Art and Fear". More than most professions, artists deal with the cold, lonely sort of fear one only discovers through deep self reflection. I second guess myself all the time. And the huge cosmic question "WHY?" often crops up. Why am I an artist? Why is anything I do valid? Why can't I create art that I am satisfied with. Perhaps the very nature of art leads artists to insanity. Or perhaps the paint fumes have something to do with it. I'm still trying to figure out how to be an artists and a normal person. The two states of being don't often seem to go together. In the past, artists have been seen as those who chose to live outside the plane of normalcy. Only then can they become impartial observers, separate from their subjects. Cool, calculating creators. This seems wrong to me. As created beings, we cannot separate from other created things. We are "stuck" in a world that is often ugly, filled with disappointment and misery. Those heaven painters among us have the hardest time, always longing for something they can never quite grasp. Insanity ensues.